Gladiator

Right. Gladiator. You know, the one on TV? Every other weekend? Yep, that's the one.

So, yes. Gladiator is fantastic. Some people don't feel this way, however. Some people say that Gladiator is nothing but cliches, battle scenes, and semi-historical fantasy. They might point to the soundtrack, which is full of big, sweeping, unoriginal songs. Maybe some frown upon Russell Crowe's both depressing and simple performance. Or maybe, just maybe, they point out that there are a dozen movies like this; all loosely based on historical events filled with enormous battle scenes.

To these people, I say: shut up.

I started like you. I was silly and dismissive. I was about three minutes into the movie when I snapped out of it. All those other movies? They copied this one. Do you want to know why they copied it? Because it f-ing works! This movie has those impressive battle scenes with the cliche stylistic effects - because it came up with them! The soundtrack was something new and original when it came out; it only seems common because it invented the genre! Irked by Russell Crowe? It's Russell F-ing Crowe! Strange, depressed, and slightly insane is what he does! Beautiful Mind? Cinderella Man? Hotel telephones? Dude could do crazy in his sleep!

Gladiator is a piece of art. Ridley Scott pulled together a satisfying, well-made movie. It is original, touching, and mesmerizing. There is nothing wrong with this movie. Now, if you are prepared to accept that, I'm sure it's on TV right now. Go watch it.

Kingdom of Heaven

Kingdom of Heaven was.... yeah. I'm not having a very emotional reaction to it. I didn't come out of it impressed, but I wasn't disgusted either. The movie just never drew me in. I wasn't impressed by the plot or characters, and the acting was patchy. Edward Norton did a very nice job throughout, but the rest fell flat. It wasn't so much that they were particularly bad, they just didn't connect with me. I found myself thinking about the actors and their performance rather than the conflict or dialogue. That is usually a sign of either a bad movie or a bad critic. And I'm an amazing critic. If I had to rate my making-arbitrary-judgments-while-having-no-legitimate-experience ability, I'd give my self a 9.
Ridley Scott's hand on this film was fairly recognizable on this film. We've got the slow, dramatized action shots of Gladiator and Black Hawk Down. The unfamiliar setting evokes the same feelings of Blade Runner - unresolved confusion. Edward Norton's return from Fight Club was a pleasant surprise.
I never actually read many reviews of this movie (which gets rid of potential bias), but this really felt like an unimpressive melding of Gladiator and Lord of the Rings. I can't tell if he tried stuffing too much action in a emotional story or too much emotion in an action flick. However you take it, though, there was simply not enough of either.
Also, I just wish that Jeremy Irons would, just once, make a Lion King joke. I swear he could've fit in "my words are a matter of pride!" It would have been perfect! Oh well.